trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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