told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
