It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
