he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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