When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
