i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
