I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
