I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
