Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
