dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
