Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
