You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
