I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
