we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
