one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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