i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
