We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
