the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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