We named our party play list daddy issues
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
