Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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