what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
