I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
