i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
