I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
