Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
