Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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