No stitches, just platelets and will power
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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