i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
