god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Terrible idea I love it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize