I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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