uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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