I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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