o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
