btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
