do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
