I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
