The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
