Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
