if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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