if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
