Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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