How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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