That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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