Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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