and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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