Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
