I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
