I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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