i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
