I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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