the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
