I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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