Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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