The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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