I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
NoShamevember. You game?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
