I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
