i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize