How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
