I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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