almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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