I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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