Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need a beard to bite.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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