If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
