Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
