so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
