Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
