did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize