Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
