he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
