I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
