is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize