Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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