Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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