dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
