The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
