Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
